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November 2013



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Nov. 24th, 2013

55 Days

55 days
30 Pounds Lost.

I'm a little frustrated because this past week I haven't lost a single pound, but I keep reminding myself that 30 is still great, without the surgery it never would of happened in less than two months. The other frustrating part is how small my portions are now. Perhaps my brain hasn't caught up with my stomach yet, but I never eat how much I had planned on eating it's always less.

I do have more energy though! And before my back would hurt if I stood or walked for more then 15-20 minutes, but I have been able to go grocery shopping and take my Dog for regular walks without my back aching, if anything it's my feet.

Oct. 12th, 2013

Me Here Now Part 2.

I haven't wrote in my blog in over two years, but something I login and look back on my entries to take a trip down memory lane.

Tonight, when I was going through it, all I could see was a heartbroken girl, who typically was down.

I can honestly say the past year or so I have been in a very positive place. I got on Prozac which helped a lot, and I also let go of some people that I don't think were healthy for me. It may be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Since then, I have graduated college with a bachelors in Organizational Leadership, and started an MBA program. 2 weeks ago I had bariatic surgery. My hopes are that the time that I am 30, I will have my masters and will have all my excess weight loss. I am 25 now.

I am just so beyond happy with everything that is going on. The thing is there are still some bad things in my life, and I still stay happy. The bad things being having horrible money problems, but I've gotten them kicked back in the right direction, and it bugs me that I'm 25 and have never been in a relationship.

I think though, as long as I stay this positive, that isn't going to get me down, and despite the voices in my head telling me I still won't good enough even with everything I'm doing, in my heart of hearts I honestly think I will find my prince charming.

I keep looking forward to what life will offer me.

The bariatric surgery is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. It's like going cold turkey for drug addicts or smokers. I've been fighting saying the words for years, but since I can compare the scenarios, it's time I say, I have a food addiction and I am an emotional eater. Knowing that bad things can happen to me if I don't eat right now, is keeping me on track. In the end though I know it will be worth it.

Aug. 9th, 2011

Dobby Update

Dobby's back on balance but I think he has memory loss or brain damage :( he doesn't act the same and doesn't seem to recognize things. I know I need to give it time but I'm so worried.

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Mar. 13th, 2011

Writer's Block: Working hard for the money

If your pet were a person, what occupation would they choose?

My dog Ci-Ci would be a princess, because all she does is eat and sleep and be pampered all day.

My birds Ozzy and Dobby would be gay porn stars. They have gay bird sex a lot.

My Parakeet Zeke would be a rock star, because he rocks to his own beat.

And my finches Jasmine and Joey would be writers because they observe the world all the time, and I imagine have a lot of thoughts to share about it.

Feb. 1st, 2011

(no subject)

Recently my Dog has been having some teeth problems. This is a common problem amongst pugs. She lives with my Mom but it's still the family dog we share the expenses etc. For now we can only treat with antibiotics because she wouldn't survive going under to have her teeth pulled or cleaned :( We've been dealing with this, but today we had a real heart attack she had a stroke :(

I was pretty upset all day. With my broken foot I couldn't go, so my Mom was pretty much calling the shots. I was afraid the only option would be to put her down :( The vet said however that strokes are very common in dogs her age due to lack of amino acids, so she has prescribed some, that should for the most part prevent it in the future. I am seriously crossing my fingers that it will be enough, because if she has persistent serizures we will have a tough choice to make :(

For now though I am very delighted to have played with her today. It'll be about a 2 week recovery. Her legs are effects and she's a little disoriented, but she still has her appetite and likes to play like she used too.

Jan. 13th, 2011

Writer's Block: Everyday I write the book

If you were to write your autobiography, what would be the title?

If I were to write my own biography it would be called: Diary of a Fat Single Girl.

May. 24th, 2010

(no subject)

Pretty excited that this isn't blocked at work, considering I'm here two hours early. But I can't read my friends pages or anything :( But I supposed I shall take a moment to update a few things.

1) People, kill me, and contiously disapoint me, but I'm getting used to it. I really go out of my way to there for people and to help them out, but I'm going to do a lot for myself, plain and simple. I feel like, I'm some kind of filler. I get close to people, then get pushed aside for someone better. Like I'm a temporary best friend until you find a real one. I feel super immature caring about that, but the thing is, it's not like he didn't know it would bother me, no matter how silly it may seem, he knew it would bother me. The beat goes on, right?

2) My sister has completly lost it. She's just not all there in her head right now :(

3) I got my drivers lisence and a car, a 1994 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. Sweet right? We'll, a week into having it, exactly a week, I decide I'm going to go visit my grandparents and surprise them. Super awesome of me right? And we'll, I got a few surprises myself. 2 minutes away from there house, my car starts moving really slow, I'm pressing super hard on the gas and am only going 10 MPH, and I manage to turn into this liquor store, the temperature on my car was at 280 or something super ridicolous like that, and it started smoking. Some lady convinced me to move my car accross the street away from other cars in case it caught fire or something. All the fluids looked okay, and so I call AAA. First, I call the PA AAA not the OH AAA apparently, so she transfers me, then it takes them 20 minutes to find me in the systym despite having my membership number --__--. Anyways, they send tow truck out, and I call my Grandparents to tell them the awesome news that I was two minutes away. This was also not a good area of town so I was somewhat scared, and very happy when my grampa showed up.

My grandma and somewhat my grampa taught me how to drive. My uncle John, their son, owns his own Landscaping business and has about 30 cars he uses for it, so he has his own mechanic that he lets us use, and the woman who sold me the car is his secretary, and we had asked to have his mechanic check the car before I bought it, and we thought he had, somehow there must have been a miscommunication, because when my Grampa called the mechanic he was like, what are you talking about? The woman who owned the car previoulsy died, and the car hadn't been used in a while, so the lady who sold it to me drove it around for about a week. I don't think I was mislead or anything, just one of those things.

It was one of the saddest feelings in the world to watch my car get towed away :( And just a week after getting my car, I am back to riding the bus. The problem is the transmission I need a new one, and there not really made for my car anymore, so I won't knew when I'll have my car again depends on how long it takes to find a good used one --__--

Oh yeah, so my grandpa went with the tow guy, and gave me his car to drive to their house and wait ( and my grandma cooked me dinner :) ) We’ll on my way home I get a call from him asking where his keys were, I totally took them --__--

Writer's Block: Dream reader

Do you have any recurring dreams? If so, what do you think it says about your personality? How about your unconscious hopes, fears, and desires?

I once had a recurring dream, on going for years; I didn't have it every night, but frequently enough. Each time I would get more details as well. I dreamt that on my 19th birthday, I was going to be shot by a guy with green eyes. But could never completely see his face. Being 14 at the time, you could imagine I was slightly scared of my 19th birthday, what if this was a premonition? I am not 21 however, so I am happy to say, that I was in fact, not shot on my 19th birthday.

I'm not sure what this says about me. I really do love green eyes, perhaps I was telling myself to avoid the things I love?

May. 8th, 2010

(no subject)

The previous vote was a venting. Here are some uppers in my life:

I got my drivers lisence on the 30th :)

I'm hoping to get a car this Friday. After 21 years of public transportation, I am absolutly thrilled. I think I without quiestion deserve this.

The car I'm getting is a 94 Oldsmobile Cutless Supreme. I didn't really want an "old persons car" , but my grandparents are buying it for me, and they have a good point about the safety, and the fact that it's similar to the car they taught me in, and also it only has like 50,000 miles. Pratically brand new. The woman who owned it died though, kind of creepy. :/

Getting a good schedule at Wright State is proofing difficult when I work full time. At SInclair every body registered at once, but at Wright State Seniors go first etc, but I have senior status now which is exciting, I still register on the third day though it also goes by the number of credit hours you have :/ Ugggh. I hope the class I want won't be full. I mean, a 7:30-10 P.M class shouldnt be too popular right? I really need this to work for a postion I want in the fall time at work. So I'm crossing my fingers. They'll be the first classes for my major so I'm super excited :)

Feb. 12th, 2010

(no subject)

So I haven't been happy lately, but I haven't been sad either. I guess you could say, I'm just okay. When I'm feeling okay sometimes I wonder if I'm just not feeling anything at all. I don't know if that sounds weird. Just, nothing excites me, nothing worries me, I'm just, simply am.

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