Just Me

I'm Starting To Believe....

2009-09-09T04:42:59Z

You know what they say....Love conquers all. But you know it doesn't. I can handle that.

But....

I can believe this, I deserve nothing less than what I want, because, I am far from a bad person, no I'm not perfect,but deep down inside I've always known, I've always fought, keeping myself from settling, and sometimes I get distracted by this but at the end of the day, I'd rather wait forever and day for what I want than settle for what I don't want and be totally unhappy.

NEVER.

SETTLE.

EVER.

Truth Be Told.

2009-03-22T05:09:13Z

I miss the stupid things I used to do. I could of been wilder, but it seems like....I have no fun anymore. I have fun, but not that fun. If that makes sense.

Adulthood I think ruined that fun.

- I miss feeling something for someone. I miss doing stupid things because you feel for someone. ~

-- I miss staying out till 5 am laying in the grass all night drinking smirnuff until the sun starts to rise~

-- I miss camping.-

-- I miss working at a bird store and getting beat up my birdys...the birds I have have are little pussies.

-- While I always had bills to pay, it was nothing like this....I miss having more spending money.

-- I really do miss the specail dirty things we used to talk about.

-- I miss laughing almost every second of the day.

What's changed? People have changed....life has moved on...and now I have the life I have. It's a good life, but it always can be a mundane life sometimes....I want to do something crazy.

arsbirds @ 2008-08-24T19:35:00

2008-08-24T23:36:15Z

Why did you runaway when she screamed your name?
When the tears kept flowing down her face?
Please, please, please is all she could cry.
Baby, baby, we could still try.

You said no, no, no.
Theres no place for you in my life.
Why are you even alive?

Heaven was when she was with you.
You said no, it was when she was on her back.
"Baby wait, I thought you said we more than this.
That there would always be bliss." She could only cry.

"Can't I be your madonna?" with a gleam in her eye.
"No you're my whore." with nothing but a grin on his face.

And all she had was tears to cry.
For one little moment, she felt so alive.

The opposite sex.

2008-08-21T17:20:13Z

It would appear the only good thing I've ever been able to do with them is sleep with them.

Fuck being friends.

Fuck being your girlfriend.

Let's just fuck, ya know?

arsbirds @ 2008-06-10T01:39:00

2008-06-10T05:40:12Z

Get It. Get it. Get It. Get IT!

I mine as well leave this place.

2008-05-06T05:50:20Z

If everyone leaves me, then, why can't I be the first one to leave? Why can't others be sad for once instead of me? Being proactive might also mean being selfish. Besides that, it's not like I havne't talked about my desire to leave for a while. Money has always been my obstacle. I need more of it.

I seemed to keep getting remeinding of past memories and it makes me sick.

The more and more I want to leave though the more and more I want to stay. I happen to like my job. I happen to like my friends.

And If I can love then why can't they love me? I failed in that task. So I mine as well just take the invitations I am given and go with it.

The Things That Anger Me The Most.

2008-04-20T02:13:54Z

1. The number one that angers me the most is myself. I've been a complete and total idiot later on many personal issues.

2. Co-workers. There is a power struggle a foot, that I wish wasn't there. It wouldn't be there if people just did there job's and focused on themselves. I have to contain my urge so strangle many people through out the day.

3. Family- Let's face it, I've been betrayed and hurt by family members just as much as any friends that has ever come my way...and the worst betrayl of all has been completley unjustifed, as well as my uncle borrowing money from me so much.

I LOVE THIS SONG.

2008-02-19T04:07:33Z

If your feet hurt from walking too much,
then I will tend to them, with a velvet touch.
If your lungs just don't want to work today,
then I'll perform a mouth to mouth until you're okay.

Don't you just love the feeling of my fingertips,
circling your lips.
Don't you just love the desire taking hold of you,
I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
and tonight we will connect the dots.

If your muscles are wound up and tight,
then I will loosen up the knots until it feels right.
If your ears just ache from listening,
then I'll supply the remedy in the melodies I sing.

Don't you just love the feeling of my fingertips,
circling your lips.
Don't you just love the desire taking hold of you,
well I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
and tonight we will connect the dots.

Don't you just love the feeling of my fingertips,
circling your lips.
Don't you just love the desire taking hold of you,
well I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
and tonight we will connect the dots.

Oh yeah.

2008-02-01T04:02:01Z

Him: Do you still love me?

Me: Nope.

What Do You Have To Say? - The Soundtrack of My Life

2008-01-16T20:58:43Z

What songs would you include on the "soundtrack of your life?"

Brought to you by HP

View 453 Answers

Opening Credits: Satellite- Kiss Kiss
Waking Up: ABC123- Jackson 5
Average Day: Alive- P.O.D
Falling In Love: Break Me SHake Me- Savage Garden
Love Scene- So Much- The Spill Canvas
Death of a Loved One: What It's Like- Everlast
Bad Love: Crazy In Love- Eminem
Sad Love: Better Than Me- Hinder
Break Up: Bound to Happen- The Spill Canvas
Reunion: Wher'd You Go?- Fort Minor
Fight Scene: With You (remix)- Linkin Park
After The Fight: It's Not Over- Daughtry
Adultry- Follow Me- Uncle Kracker
Guilt- 37 mm- AFI
Bad Day: Until The End- Breaking Benjamin
But Life's Ok: Must Be Dreaming- Frou Frou
Memories with friends: Swing Life Away- Rise Against
Deep in Thought: What I've Done- Linkin Park
Secret Love- Himeros and Eros- The Spill Canvas
Party: Beware of The Boys- Punjambi MC and Jay-Z
Dance Scene- Chop Me Up- Justin Timberlake
Crying Scene- Story of a Girl-
Breakdown- Angel-Blue October
Driving- One Headlight- The Wallflowers
Marriage- I Do- 98 Degrees
Flashback- Blurry- Puddle of Mudd
Regret- Old Emotions- Spoon
Long Night All Alone: On My Own- Three Days Grace
Death Scene: Black Dresses- The Spill Canvas
End Credits: When is Now?- Love Spit Love

arsbirds @ 2008-01-16T15:49:00

2008-01-16T20:52:07Z

Why is everything on my to-do list work related. Seriously? Get Tech Initails, Find out How To get access to the stuff on the site, because my manager doesn't know, and lots more, and then theres stuff for the library too. What happened to those days when I came from work not-well, worrying about work? UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I passed out twice this past week too, doctor says theres a virus in my ear or something. Oh how fucking lovely.

I have a really big headache.

I left my black shirt at home for work.

I need to go to the bank.

I'm so behind in my school work.

My room's a mess.

My bird cages need to be cleaned.

Once again............UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just wanna sleep man.

Little Miss Independent

2008-01-11T18:52:52Z

Said.....

Oooooooh.

Christmas!!!

2007-12-26T17:15:26Z

Yesterday Was Christmas!! But I'm sure everyone knows that lol.

Oh the day before Christmas Eve, at my new job, a job I've only been working at for FOUR DAYS- they got me a Christmas Present, a $25 gift card to TGI Fridays,a purse, some lotion, and some candy. I was really shocked.

On Christmas Eve we went to my Aunt Sheila's house on my Grandma's side. I got a really cute sweater and a gift card to Bath and Body works and Bob Evan's.

Found out my 6 year old cousin has been skipping school. (oh my)

Even cuter though- He saw the Shrek Christmas special where Santa ate the Gingerbread Man's Sister, so the next day when he went to go see Santa he was like, "I"m sorry I kicked that girl Santa, but I saw you eat another girl so were kinda even. Can I still get presents?" HA HA HA HA How cute.

On Christmas I went to my Aunt's House with my Dad and Brother. My Dad gave me some money, I got a purse from my Aunt in North Carolina. Then my Aunt and Uncle who's house we were at got me A LOT OF STUFF some photo albums, money, but um, there was a disturbing gift in the mix.

Chocolate Flavored Body Butter???? So then my Dad was like, now she can call her boyfriend and get some whipped cream and cherries???? So yeah, that was disturbing. It came with chocolate body wash too. So I guess they really wanted me to smell like chocolate.

My Grandma got me a bracelet but I think my wrist is too fat for it.

I told My cousin and brother about my Mother trying to contact me. I was like I don't want to tell Dad because I just don't. I guess it was kinda pointless I would have to tell Dad. OH well I'm retarded.

Oh yeah my Grandma who I live with got me a DVD player. I was like, you got me a DVD player a year and a half ago for my birthday. So she was like yeah but Sandra's broke I figured you could give your old one to her. So I was like wouldn't it be easier to just bought it for Sandra? I hated that I sounded like a brat I didn't mean too I was just trying to figure out her train of thought lol.

arsbirds @ 2007-12-26T11:53:00

2007-12-26T16:54:59Z

I loved you all along.

Hmm.

2007-12-15T22:15:43Z

I have forgotten the rules to life. I have forgotten what it was like. I have forgotten a lot of things. I have forgotten my own advice. But hey, who cares. Aren't rules meant to be broken? Isn't the past something to put behind? You can't change it. It would be amazing if for only one time it could happen.

I've also ignored something that I had, and now it's gone. It's dangerous to mess with it.

I also am unable to think and my mind has gone blank. That's even more dangerous.

Hmmm.

And in my dreams.

2007-12-08T03:25:42Z

I have been having lot's of crazy dreams lately but last nights might have been the most beautiful, but the most saddening.

Because when I woke up, he wasn't there anymore, just my dog.

That's it, me and my dog and my birds against the world.

And then I was sad.

So I guess these things just tend to fall apart.

Anyways, so I'm obsessed with following songs at the moment.
It Takes Two- Hairspray because sometimes it really just does. And not just to make babies.

Driven Under- Seether- Because we really do have to succomb to the feelings that we can never face. And I need you. And I fake it.

To The Moon and Back- Savage Garden- Because mother never loved me much and daddy never keeps in touch I'm just waiting for the right kind of pilot to come.

Break Me Shake Me- Savage Garden- because You moved me in a way that I never know.

All The Same- Sick Puppies- because don't want to fix the txist in you.

Your Guardian Angel- Red Jumpsuit- because I will never let you fall.

Valiant- The Spill Canvas- because

The Whistle Song- Juelz Santana- because I can't whistle.

Insert more blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Before I Go

2007-12-01T06:52:27Z

Before I Go In This World,

I Would Like:

* To Tell My Family EXACTLY What I think about them.
* Be the Proud Parent of a Rose Breasted Cockatoo

* Live in France for at least a year. (my heart has ALWAYS lied there.

* Get straight A's for at least one quarter.
*Finish all my edumaction and do something with it.
* (Like cure AIDS)
* Get a Tattoo and a body piercing not on my ear.
*Write something great and profound and maybe it will get published or something :)

*Go to Africa
*Visit every state.
*Swim in the Ocean (I've done it before I just want to do it more!)
*Look at the stars a lot more.

*Oh yeah I'd like to be a skinny bitch at some point too. It will make the rest of this that much better.

* I would like too:
- kiss in the rain.

-kiss on the beach

-kiss on an elevator
-Kiss in a parking lot
(So yeah I'm a girl :) )

*My your a slut after 3 promiscuous encounters stills applies, but I would like to use a couple of those.
*Randomly flash a bunch of people at the most random and socially awkward time.
* To just forget the rules and the world and to just fall in love.

arsbirds @ 2006-02-28T17:19:00

2006-02-28T22:21:26Z

The short story I orginally started, just, wasn't working. So, I wrote this. Many peoples like it.
Kudos to the one and only Josh Moody for the title.

Shot to the Heart

He walked in the room. He always walked a certain way. With his cocky attitude, but at the same time, like he had something to do. He was a man on a mission. He had only one thing on his mind, and one thing in his heart. To simply tell his girlfriend how much he loves her. They would always be together, Mark and Starr, a vow made long ago.
He walked right up to her. His big baby blue eyes gazed into hers. He embraced her in his arms, picked her up off the ground, much to her surprise.
“Oh baby, I love you so much. I could barely survive school without you today. Where were you?” he curiously asked.
There was a very pregnant pause. Then she looked up at him. Her eyes got so low.
“I had a doctor’s appointment” She said.
“Is everything alright?” he inquired.
“Yeah, it was just a checkup” she told him.
“Oh, ok.” He said.
There was another pregnant pause.
“How much do you love me?”
He couldn’t help but smile. “I love you more than life itself” he enthusiastically told her.
“Would you die for me?” she asked.
“I would take a bullet for you in a heartbeat. Why are you asking me this? Is everything ok?”
“Yes, everything’s ok. What did we miss in English?”
“Just some notes on Shakespeare. Are you sure everything’s fine?”
“It is now. But I have to go”.
With one kiss goodbye, she leaves in a hurry. It would break his heart if he knew. She couldn’t bear to tell him. It’d be better if she kept her distance. All she could think about on the car ride home was whether or not to tell him.
She went into her room. The phone rings once. It was Mark. She doesn’t answer. He called her again, and eventually a fifth time. With tears streaming in her eyes, she knew what she had to do
“Hello?” she said.
“Hey, just calling to say goodnight.”
“Mark, I think we should break up.” Her heart broke in two.
He couldn’t believe the words that she had just said. Things had been going so well.
“But- WHY?” he demanded.
“Just trust me. It would be best.” And then she hung up.
Just like that. It was over. He didn’t understand why. Two years with her. The best two years of his life and she wouldn’t tell him why. His heart might as well not be there. He just doesn’t understand why. He had to find out. He calls her over and over again. No answer. He e-mails her. No answer.
The only thing left to do, was to, well, watch her. He parked his car near her house. He waited for about a week, and he never once saw her come out of the house. So he decided to follow her mom one day. Even she wouldn’t tell him what was going on. Every little turn, he was there. Her mom never noticed. Before he knew it, they had pulled into a parking lot. He waited a couple of minutes, and then got on the elevator, hoping it would take him to where he needed to go. Then the door opened. It was so, surreal. The sign read “Carolina Hospital Oncology Department”. No, this couldn’t be so. Please say it isn’t so. He walked up to the receptionist.
“Is Starr Yakutat here?” Please say no. Please say no, he begged to himself.
“Why yes she is. I’ll let her know she has a visitor. I think you’re the only one besides her parents who’ve come to see her. She would be thrilled” Then the secretary left, and a nurse came out.
“She’s asleep right now, but- considering, we’ll let you see her”
The nurse takes him to her room. There she was. His beautiful angel was lying on a hospital bed, oxygen tanks and all. Her eyes were closed, and she was asleep.
“How bad is it?” he whispered to the nurse.
“The cancer has progressed too much. She won’t be alive for much longer. I am so sorry” she said, with true sincerity in her voice.
All he could do was stand there, petrified, knowing that the love of his life will leave soon. After a couple of minutes, his mind came back and he walked up to her bed. He grabbed her hand, and kissed her on the forehead. Her eyes opened, and all she could do was cry.
“I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you-“
“It’s ok” he interrupted. “I’m here now”
“There's a letter on the desk over there that I was going to mail to you. But I think you should read it now.”
He picked it up and opened it, embracing each word.

Dear Mark,
You are my fantasy, my ecstasy, you are my life. I love you, no matter what. I am sorry to tell you that I am dying. You are like my brother - My best friend-the greatest guy ever. You bring light when there is dark. You are a heaven sent, my little angel. When I’m gone, just remember my voice, and remember my name. Our love will not remain a memory, it will still be true. I will watch over you, always protect you. I wish I could have told you sooner. I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I love you Mark. Please don’t ever forget that fact and I will always and forever love you.
- Starr
Then he looked up. The sound no one wants to hear. Her heart had start beating, the machine wouldn’t stop screaming. She was dead.
He went home that night. The next morning, his parents found him dead. A gun in one hand and a note in the other, the note read:
“I said I would take a bullet for her”